I understand their concern and why they would have reservations about things like meeting someone online. Heck, I have reservations about that to. But it can work and it is possible for people to find love anywhere. The thing about God is that He can work in anyway He wants as long as it is not outside of His character. We should not put our own human limitations on the way God works.
Granted this is a new relationship and its only been 2 weeks and anything can happen, I feel God is working out something big and teaching me amazing things. I’ve learned to trust God more, I’ve learned to take things by faith, I have learned to not be afraid of speaking the truth and leaving it up to the other person to figure out what they want to do with it. I may not know what I am doing half the time but God always does. The coolest thing about all of this is that I expected people to have a problem with this and it is perfectly okay because I know that if this relationship works - it would be a testimony of how God works. I really see God being glorified in our relationship.
I get that no one understand where I am in life or where God is leading me or even why I would date a guy who has 2 failed marriages. But it’s okay if no one understands because I understand. And I see God’s hand, His perfect timing in all of this. And I am utterly excited of what is going to happen in the next few years. But I don’t live in the future, I live in the now and I will be faithful to do what God wants me to do today.
It’s no secret that ministry is one of those areas where you get the least appreciation. I have to wake up and remind myself every day that I am not doing this for me or for anyone else, but for God and God alone. He is the Only One worth the college loans. And I believe if I remain faithful and patient He will get me through. One thing I was reminded of at the retreat was that God loves me and wants me to succeed. Just because I don’t have or feel the support or encouragement of those around me doesn’t mean anything to me because God loves me and the is encouragement enough. I’m in this for life, but not necessarily in CA. But that will all come about in due time.
As I reflect and remember what Christ has done for me on that cross and I see the people around me. I feel heartbroken and disappointed but I also feel thankful that its not about me. Its about bringing glory to His name.
Lord, once again I am thankful for the community You have given me at school, for all the professors who continuously pour out their lives on their students and I am thankful for giving people who have the same goal as me. Lord, help me be the light to those around me. Help me live by example.
Ever since I submitted to God’s will and surrendered everything to him, I find myself choosing words more carefully because I want God to receive the glory and that will never happen if I revert back to my old self. As badly as I want just go and punch someone in the face, I know I can’t. I don’t want to misrepresent God in any way. But at the same time I know God does not stand for slandering and gossiping and this other drama. And when the one person I can count on becomes someone I can’t count on because of what someone else did, I become very angry. Bad things happen when I get angry - so people better stop taking smack about my boy and apologize for doing it in the first place.
God has put a conviction in my heart to stand by the truth even it means being in opposition with everyone. I will not desert the only person who has gone out of his way for me, the only person who was sympathetic about me missing my class. I will not stand for slandering someone else, slandering is a characteristic of the devil. And I will take no part in activities of the devil and as Scripture tells me, I will not associate with such people. I’m accountable to The Lord for my own choices and I will follow the leading of the Holy Spirit to obey.
The past 2 or 3 weeks have been the most frustrating and crazy weeks of my life. But honestly, I feel that it all needed to happen. My dad has not to been to happy with me only going to school or not working and has been wanting me to find another job. But I know I am where God wants me to be in my life and that’s to focus on my studies and the ministry.
So my car was very messed up and I don’t think it should have been that messed up when my parents already spent $1600 fixing it. But it was, my transmission fell to where it was hitting the axle or whatever it is called. So every time I drove it would make noise. It happened on my way back from Irvine, but not on the freeway. In fact I was only 1/2 a mile away from home when it happened. Also somewhere along the lines both boots in the front came off. So basically what this all means is that it is a miracle that I did not get in an accident or something worse.
I am convinced that this was a part of God’s plan for my dad to see that God is in control of my life. And God protected me from what could have happened.
Thank You Jesus.
Okay, so I am trying to get him out of my head until God confirms 100% that he is it. But right now I am feeling a bit hostile towards him and he has no idea way. Years ago he got angry that I didn’t say for dinner. But recently he hasn’t been appreciative for anything. All he’s done is point the finger and blamed me for stuff I had no control over. He has never once thanked me for having confidence in him or thanked me for recommending him as a speaker. Although my prof did and he has a doctorate. Although I still admire his heart for ministry, his ignorance and selfishness makes him really unattractive. If Gos changes him so that he would start owning up to things and take part of the blame when things don’t go as expected, then I will know for sure God is the one. I tried to keep it professional but then he had to start making small talk and it just made me regret every supportive thing I’ve ever done for him. See if he could find someone else to grade his sermons and time him.
I did the most bravest and boldness thing last night. I am praying for God’s favor.
Lord, You said that if I trust in You, You will give me the desires of my heart. I am claiming that promise
right now God.
Lately God has been teaching me about His Will and having a vision. I initially thought it had to do with school but then I realized that it has to do with ministry, particularly with the kids. The last Sunday of every month, we have all the kids come up to the front of the church, and I would usually try to ask them questions and then I’d pray for them. But these kids are kind of boring, they do not answer questions or they do not know the answer to questions. And through this God spoke something into my heart. Today is the first day in a long time that I have been excited for ministry. I was dreading to take over Au Nhi, but now I have a vision for them, I am really excited. Thank You Jesus.
Really disappointed today. Thought he was different from all the rest, thought he walked the talk, but he is really no different from everyone else. I know he was joking, but he was way out of line.
So I did something I thought I would never do ever in school. And that was to talk about my past. We were doing case studies in Biblical Counseling case, and we came across one where I feel it was almost about me. I wasn’t planning to say anything, but Wayne said he wanted to hear from the single people in the class. So i shared how this scenario was me at the age of 24, where all my friends were getting married. And I had prayed to God for a husband for a while and it did not happen. So I took my fate into my own hands and dated guy after guy after guy. Some guys were Christians and some were not and in my eyes I felt the nonbelievers respected me more than the Christians, so I came to the conclusion dating a Christian didn’t mean anything. However, I was not in a relationship that lasted more than 3 months. So, after a lot of heartache, I realized my way was not working. So I slowly surrendered my dating world to God and then I surrendered the rest of my life.
Just because we accept Christ into our life or grow in a Christian family, does not mean we have fully surrendered to Christ.
I’ve been so distracted lately and I don’t even know why. I was stopped at a red light and almost took off because I thought that the light had changed but it hadn’t, thankfully I realized almost right away. Perhaps everything is getting to me.
I am not sure what God is trying to teach me. But this sucks. Apparently my dad did not fix the car that good or there is more stuff wrong with it. So now it’s in the shop and they say the parts will cost $900 more not including labor. And then they said that there is no guarantee that it will run good on the free way. My mom wants to take it to the dealer and let them fix it to be sure that it’s safe to drive even though it costs more. Anyways, I guess I’ll be driving the Buick in the meantime. Although I’m not really sure how I am going to get to church every week. Hopefully, the church board approves Ong Muc Su’s request to give me a monthly salary so I can afford my own car in which I can buy.
